I'm not entirely sure when it happened but it did. Whether it was when we had a sick baby for 2 weeks in Singapore - hearing him choke on a cough in his sleep is one of the worst sounds I have ever had to endue. Or when we said goodbye to my parents (again), not knowing when we'd see each other next. Or when we finally got home, only to news that Luke's grandfather had taken a bad, bad fall off a 3rd storey balcony and needed us in Perth. Or when we were on that flight and my baby was losing his mind and getting transferred from me to Luke, to Luke's sister, to Luke's mum, to Luke's dad.
I'm not entirely sure when it happened but it did.
I kind of just gave up. I have not been able to decide if this is a good thing or a bad thing. I had been so preoccupied with all my 'plug-in's. Getting angry at myself, at Luke... at Mason. Because "I had no time to blog!" Being upset because I didn't want to put up sad stuff on Instagram but then I'd have nothing to say. Because I was sad. I was frustrated and I felt lost. Everything was just too hard.
While we were in Perth, I can safely say I was unrecognizable. Luke and I fought endlessly and Mason felt like he was the most difficult child I'd ever known. In hindsight I realise that 2 back to back flights and recovering from a cold may have contributed to my extra sooky baby. Of course. Of course he wasn't trying to upset me. He was feeling the exact same way I was.
We left Perth after 6 days and the moment we were home, I was different. Suffice to say, it was a draining week and it is incredibly exhausting when "standing by" and holding back tears is your best effort.
I am not sure where this post is heading but I needed an outlet and this has always been a good one. If anything, I've learnt that my missing out on a few posts didn't hurt nobody. I'll be back with a catch up edition of The 52 Project... But for now, I'm just going to take my husband, my baby and my camera to the beach and chill the hell out.