My darling, you are truly what a miracle feels like - all at once so hard to believe but so bound to us that nothing has ever felt more real.
Showing posts with label baby s. Show all posts
Showing posts with label baby s. Show all posts
June 13, 2013
He's here!
Introducing Mason Kai Shields. Born the 11th of June 2013, weighing 4.05kg.
My darling, you are truly what a miracle feels like - all at once so hard to believe but so bound to us that nothing has ever felt more real.
My darling, you are truly what a miracle feels like - all at once so hard to believe but so bound to us that nothing has ever felt more real.
May 6, 2013
Letters to baby S
Dear baby boy,
Its hard for mama to fall asleep these days.. Half of it is due to some not-so-little bug in my belly that fidgets around quite a bit, and half of it because I sometimes get anxious. This almost always happens when I'm in bed.
Last night around 11pm, anxiety kicked in again.. I shut my eyes and prayed. I said thanks for your daddy, for you and for this life we have. It calmed me down 'cause it made me count my blessings. I realised that today would be a week till your dad is home and in my arms, and we would be that much closer to you..
And then I shuffled my foot around the bed and felt all these crumbs. I lifted the quilt and found all the remnants of my milk-and-cookies-in-bed expedition from earlier in the day. It made me giggle out loud and I felt like someone up there was just trying to make sure I went to bed smiling.
Love,
your mama
January 15, 2013
Halfway!
My boy,
You little champion, you! Look at us! Halfway there. Was there a moment this mama of yours thought 'Omg, we will never make it to 20 weeks at this rate'? YES. Especially in that nasty first trimester when my body was all like, 'What is going on up in here!'
But now, now I spend the earliest part of my day, when the sun has just risen and is peeking in to our bedroom, holding my belly and wishing you a good morning. Some mornings I'm sure I've awoken cause you stirred me. Other mornings, I wait for you to move a little before I get up. You almost always reassure me with a jiggle. Words cannot explain the crazy joy I get from those little jiggles!
I spend the rest of the day on Instagram stalking everyone at home who always posts up pictures of the kind of cuisine we can't find here and I leave numerous comments like "ERMAHGADD I WANT" in my trail. My appetite hasn't increased immensely (yet?) so I nibble some bits and pieces of food all day, trying my best to get those 3 important meals in.
At my last appointment, we found that I'd lost weight! That's okay though, Dr Thyer says you are perfectly sized and (I think you get this from me...) you have been so super exact to your due date every measurement. Your dad reckons you'll get here early but I feel like you'll surprise us and do that thing where you'll come just a few hours after your due date.
Who cares really? We only have 20 more weeks of just you and me, darling. And despite my eagerness to see you (whose eyes? whose nose? big feet like mama?), I am savouring every second of this time we have together, just you and me.
Love,
Mama
You little champion, you! Look at us! Halfway there. Was there a moment this mama of yours thought 'Omg, we will never make it to 20 weeks at this rate'? YES. Especially in that nasty first trimester when my body was all like, 'What is going on up in here!'
But now, now I spend the earliest part of my day, when the sun has just risen and is peeking in to our bedroom, holding my belly and wishing you a good morning. Some mornings I'm sure I've awoken cause you stirred me. Other mornings, I wait for you to move a little before I get up. You almost always reassure me with a jiggle. Words cannot explain the crazy joy I get from those little jiggles!
I spend the rest of the day on Instagram stalking everyone at home who always posts up pictures of the kind of cuisine we can't find here and I leave numerous comments like "ERMAHGADD I WANT" in my trail. My appetite hasn't increased immensely (yet?) so I nibble some bits and pieces of food all day, trying my best to get those 3 important meals in.
At my last appointment, we found that I'd lost weight! That's okay though, Dr Thyer says you are perfectly sized and (I think you get this from me...) you have been so super exact to your due date every measurement. Your dad reckons you'll get here early but I feel like you'll surprise us and do that thing where you'll come just a few hours after your due date.
Who cares really? We only have 20 more weeks of just you and me, darling. And despite my eagerness to see you (whose eyes? whose nose? big feet like mama?), I am savouring every second of this time we have together, just you and me.
Love,
Mama
Those two lines
Dear baby boy,
It's a weird thing to see two lines say "you're having a baby".. Mostly 'cause it says so much more than that. I feel like as a person, I am forever changed. There is nothing I do every minute of every single day that I do without you in mind.
I've never been brave - That's your dad. I never scaled walls, liked the big waves of the ocean or even done well in The House of Horror at Universal Studios (I cried and left through the emergency exit door). But with you, with you I feel like I could conquer anything to make sure you were safe. I have never been more vulnerable yet more strong in my conviction to be the best mom to you.
I'm not sure if it comes from the overwhelming, ever-consuming desire to protect you or the intense, fierce love I already feel for you, someone I've never even met. But everyday I will myself to be the best possible version of me. Because if you don't deserve the best... who does?
Love,
Mama
It's a weird thing to see two lines say "you're having a baby".. Mostly 'cause it says so much more than that. I feel like as a person, I am forever changed. There is nothing I do every minute of every single day that I do without you in mind.
I've never been brave - That's your dad. I never scaled walls, liked the big waves of the ocean or even done well in The House of Horror at Universal Studios (I cried and left through the emergency exit door). But with you, with you I feel like I could conquer anything to make sure you were safe. I have never been more vulnerable yet more strong in my conviction to be the best mom to you.
I'm not sure if it comes from the overwhelming, ever-consuming desire to protect you or the intense, fierce love I already feel for you, someone I've never even met. But everyday I will myself to be the best possible version of me. Because if you don't deserve the best... who does?
Love,
Mama
January 4, 2013
18 weeks and counting
We hit 18 weeks on Tuesday and it's crazy how in less than 2 weeks, I will be midway through what I will have to say, has been the most favourite adventure of my life. I found myself wishing time would fly by before I hit 12 weeks (must have had something to do with the constant nausea!) but now that I'm almost halfway done, I am hoping to experience each day and each change completely.
Every day I am amazed at what my body is doing. As someone who has had image issues for a long time, I am finally feeling a sense of pride in my body. In how it looks and it's abilities. Every morning I wake up with the sniffles and am reminded that this is just another way my body is protecting this beautiful miracle (The more mucus, the more "filter", the less crap is being breathed into my body).
It's absolutely fascinating to watch my body and this darling boy grow, and I'm going to savour the next 22 weeks. Cause if I can take anything from the motherload of advice that's been thrown at me, I'll take this: I will never ever feel this way again. And if that's true, I never want to forget.
December 27, 2012
It's a boy!
Baby,
Today... Today will go down as one of my most favourite days of my life.
Today we found out you're a little boy. Gosh.
My baby boy. My son. My darling little man.
How we found out was pretty funny too. You see, your dad's still away at work so I thought I'd bring your Aunty Bree and your grandparents to our appointment. We told Dr Thyer not to tell us what he sees, but to write it down on a piece of paper so when I FaceTimed your dad, we could find out together. We were going to wait till we got home but were all way too excited and decided to do it in the car.
I was speechless and your dad basically had a fist pump in the air.
In the last couple of hours he has been planning when he will take your surfing and bought a few onesies online. One of them looks like this:
I'm basically still in a bit of shock. Truth is, I've always thought you were a little boy. But now, the knowledge that I have a son.. It's just crazy. Will you like sports? Or will you like cooking?
Will we need to talk to you about condoms?
Oh my darling. Don't we have lots to look forward to..
Love,
Mama
Today... Today will go down as one of my most favourite days of my life.
Today we found out you're a little boy. Gosh.
My baby boy. My son. My darling little man.
How we found out was pretty funny too. You see, your dad's still away at work so I thought I'd bring your Aunty Bree and your grandparents to our appointment. We told Dr Thyer not to tell us what he sees, but to write it down on a piece of paper so when I FaceTimed your dad, we could find out together. We were going to wait till we got home but were all way too excited and decided to do it in the car.
I was speechless and your dad basically had a fist pump in the air.
In the last couple of hours he has been planning when he will take your surfing and bought a few onesies online. One of them looks like this:
I'm basically still in a bit of shock. Truth is, I've always thought you were a little boy. But now, the knowledge that I have a son.. It's just crazy. Will you like sports? Or will you like cooking?
Will we need to talk to you about condoms?
Oh my darling. Don't we have lots to look forward to..
Love,
Mama
Magic
Baby,
Today we went to the doctor for our scan and checkup with the lovely Dr Thyer.. and I think there is a conspiracy going on.
They're trying to tell me you're a tiny human.
That's nonsense.
You're definitely magic.
Complete,
utter,
Magic.
Love,
Mama
Today we went to the doctor for our scan and checkup with the lovely Dr Thyer.. and I think there is a conspiracy going on.
They're trying to tell me you're a tiny human.
That's nonsense.
You're definitely magic.
Complete,
utter,
Magic.
Love,
Mama
December 17, 2012
Oh baby
My darling,
You're just a tiny little avocado this week and it pains me to tell you this.. But a few days ago, a man walked into an elementary school and shot 20 children. They weren't children. They were babies. I don't think any of them were much older than 10 years of age. That might sound like heavens away for you but let's establish that you'll still be my baby way past your 60th birthday.
Who does things like that? It's hard to imagine isn't it? That the same God that made you.. A tiny little avocado living in my belly, relying on me for every breath and every ounce of nutrition.. That same God made that man. That man who killed 20 babies. That man.. He did much worse. So many more children lost their innocence that day. Less than 2 weeks to Christmas. Oh lord, I hope Santa reinstates that innocence somehow.
I found myself struggling to find a way to hold you closer to me. Ways to make sure nothing bad could ever happen to you. I didn't find any. Well not any that didn't include me tying you to your bed forever or never letting you cross a road on your own.
Oh my dear, we'll never know why these things happen. We can't blame God (I personally think He just needed 20 angels back home that day..).
There's so much in this world you will find "just happens". The tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary School.. it just happened. And I can't promise you bad things will never happen to you my baby.
But I promise you this though.
I promise you that a lot of good, wonderful and beautiful things also "just happen".
You're just a tiny little avocado this week and it pains me to tell you this.. But a few days ago, a man walked into an elementary school and shot 20 children. They weren't children. They were babies. I don't think any of them were much older than 10 years of age. That might sound like heavens away for you but let's establish that you'll still be my baby way past your 60th birthday.
Who does things like that? It's hard to imagine isn't it? That the same God that made you.. A tiny little avocado living in my belly, relying on me for every breath and every ounce of nutrition.. That same God made that man. That man who killed 20 babies. That man.. He did much worse. So many more children lost their innocence that day. Less than 2 weeks to Christmas. Oh lord, I hope Santa reinstates that innocence somehow.
I found myself struggling to find a way to hold you closer to me. Ways to make sure nothing bad could ever happen to you. I didn't find any. Well not any that didn't include me tying you to your bed forever or never letting you cross a road on your own.
Oh my dear, we'll never know why these things happen. We can't blame God (I personally think He just needed 20 angels back home that day..).
There's so much in this world you will find "just happens". The tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary School.. it just happened. And I can't promise you bad things will never happen to you my baby.
But I promise you this though.
I promise you that a lot of good, wonderful and beautiful things also "just happen".
December 10, 2012
Werk
Hey baby love,
So your daddy left for work again on Friday. NBD I hear you say. Well, kind of a bit of a big deal. You see, your daddy doesn't do work like most daddies. Where they go to work at 8am then come home at 5pm. Your daddy works for 5 weeks (35 days) straight! We don't see him at all those 35 days excluding things like Skype and Facetime.
It's not much fun and we don't like it too much, but its what pays the bills. And with your daddy's specific set of skills, the money is too hard to pass up! Yeah.. We'd like to be those parents who thought money didn't buy everything...
But it kinda buys quite a lot of things. Really.. It buys us another 35 days with your dad every 35 days he's done with work? That's heaps and heaps of hours of us all hanging out together with no work commitments to get in the way of 35 days of fun. And that's so important. To remember that he does it for more than some number in a bank account.
He'll be home in about... 33 days. Sounds long, I know. But we'll get through it, you and me. We'll get through it just fine.
xo,
Mama
So your daddy left for work again on Friday. NBD I hear you say. Well, kind of a bit of a big deal. You see, your daddy doesn't do work like most daddies. Where they go to work at 8am then come home at 5pm. Your daddy works for 5 weeks (35 days) straight! We don't see him at all those 35 days excluding things like Skype and Facetime.
It's not much fun and we don't like it too much, but its what pays the bills. And with your daddy's specific set of skills, the money is too hard to pass up! Yeah.. We'd like to be those parents who thought money didn't buy everything...
But it kinda buys quite a lot of things. Really.. It buys us another 35 days with your dad every 35 days he's done with work? That's heaps and heaps of hours of us all hanging out together with no work commitments to get in the way of 35 days of fun. And that's so important. To remember that he does it for more than some number in a bank account.
He'll be home in about... 33 days. Sounds long, I know. But we'll get through it, you and me. We'll get through it just fine.
xo,
Mama
December 3, 2012
Flashback: Bean
I wrote some posts when we found out were pregnant but couldn't tell
anyone. I had so many emotions running through me and needed a space to
release them. It's great being able to share them now, re-reading them
and getting to relive the moments.
Written 5th of November 2012
Today we saw a picture of this fun-sized awesomeness. It was kind of funny. I was half "Oh em gee that's my baby. Growing. In. My. Tummy." and the other half of me was like "Oh. How.. cute? His little body is trying to catch up to his head..."
Oh yeah, my kid was totally waving at me. Tsh, what a show off (Like mom. And dad...)
Written 5th of November 2012
Today we saw a picture of this fun-sized awesomeness. It was kind of funny. I was half "Oh em gee that's my baby. Growing. In. My. Tummy." and the other half of me was like "Oh. How.. cute? His little body is trying to catch up to his head..."
Oh yeah, my kid was totally waving at me. Tsh, what a show off (Like mom. And dad...)
November 29, 2012
Things are a'changin..
Baby,
Mama has never wanted for much. Except for you and your daddy. I've wanted you lot since forever and its like now I'm whole. But other stuff.. Nah, not really. I've never really wanted for much.
I definitely did not want D-cup boobs.
But apparently someone up there reckons that's what your mama needs and so here is a PG-rated photo of my new badoinks. It's mad. I've never been "small" but D...? I am barely 5 feet tall.
Now it's like my booty better get some junk on or I'm going to topple over everytime I stand up.
(Just kidding, don't you dare, booty)
Mama has never wanted for much. Except for you and your daddy. I've wanted you lot since forever and its like now I'm whole. But other stuff.. Nah, not really. I've never really wanted for much.
I definitely did not want D-cup boobs.
But apparently someone up there reckons that's what your mama needs and so here is a PG-rated photo of my new badoinks. It's mad. I've never been "small" but D...? I am barely 5 feet tall.
Now it's like my booty better get some junk on or I'm going to topple over everytime I stand up.
(Just kidding, don't you dare, booty)
November 27, 2012
Flashback: A scare
I wrote some posts when we found out were pregnant but couldn't tell
anyone. I had so many emotions running through me and needed a space to
release them. It's great being able to share them now, re-reading them
and getting to relive the moments.
Written 28th September 2012
Baby Beanut,
Two nights ago, mama had a bit of cramps. Being the worry-wort that I am (you will soon learn this and I will always endeavour to worry less), I called my doctor and was referred for an ultrasound scheduled for this afternoon.
I went alone cause your dad is back up north again and everyone else was at work, I was totally okay with this. Having read in my baby book a few days ago that by 6 weeks we can usually see something on the ultrasound, I was a little bit excited but tried to hold it in (like I tried with my wee. Baby, did you know they make all the pregnant mamas get a full belly of wee before going in for an ultrasound? Ooooh, uncomfortable).
I laid down on the bed and the lovely ultrasound technician applied some warmed gel on my belly and away she went. On a little hunt for you.
We didn't find anything.
We looked some more for another couple of minutes and found nothing.
Then we did a transvaginal (Nasty stuff, beanut. Nasty Stuff) one as well.
Nothing.
It was awful, Beanut. Mama just about broke down right there if I wasn't trying to hold on to my wee (and emotions) so hard. The lady was very lovely and took a look at my blood test results.
Apparently, doctors aren't all they're cracked up to be! Our GP made a boo boo, my darling. Having seen my blood test results, she declined to mention that according to my HCG levels, that I was only barely 2 weeks when I had the test done (21st Sept). Meaning there was no way an ultrasound would detect anything at this time.
It just means mama gets to have you in my belly longer than I thought. You don't worry about anything though. You just grow. Grow like the little weed you are :)
Written 28th September 2012
Baby Beanut,
Two nights ago, mama had a bit of cramps. Being the worry-wort that I am (you will soon learn this and I will always endeavour to worry less), I called my doctor and was referred for an ultrasound scheduled for this afternoon.
I went alone cause your dad is back up north again and everyone else was at work, I was totally okay with this. Having read in my baby book a few days ago that by 6 weeks we can usually see something on the ultrasound, I was a little bit excited but tried to hold it in (like I tried with my wee. Baby, did you know they make all the pregnant mamas get a full belly of wee before going in for an ultrasound? Ooooh, uncomfortable).
I laid down on the bed and the lovely ultrasound technician applied some warmed gel on my belly and away she went. On a little hunt for you.
We didn't find anything.
We looked some more for another couple of minutes and found nothing.
Then we did a transvaginal (Nasty stuff, beanut. Nasty Stuff) one as well.
Nothing.
It was awful, Beanut. Mama just about broke down right there if I wasn't trying to hold on to my wee (and emotions) so hard. The lady was very lovely and took a look at my blood test results.
Apparently, doctors aren't all they're cracked up to be! Our GP made a boo boo, my darling. Having seen my blood test results, she declined to mention that according to my HCG levels, that I was only barely 2 weeks when I had the test done (21st Sept). Meaning there was no way an ultrasound would detect anything at this time.
It just means mama gets to have you in my belly longer than I thought. You don't worry about anything though. You just grow. Grow like the little weed you are :)
November 26, 2012
Flashback: baby, your father is out of control
I wrote some posts when we found out were pregnant but couldn't tell
anyone. I had so many emotions running through me and needed a space to
release them. It's great being able to share them now, re-reading them
and getting to relive the moments.
Written 25th September 2012
Today your dad was doing some digging up outside and when I went over to help him lift these tiny bricks into a pile, he just about tackled me. "No heavy lifting for you!" he said. Mind you, these were half the size of the average bricks used to make homes.
He has also called you Junior a few times now. But in that "Juuuuu-nior!" way? It's so funny.
He also laughed at the fact that we can't have any soft serve ice cream. Then apologized very quickly.
P.S. I've been calling him "baby-daddy" I think it's hilarious!
Written 25th September 2012
Today your dad was doing some digging up outside and when I went over to help him lift these tiny bricks into a pile, he just about tackled me. "No heavy lifting for you!" he said. Mind you, these were half the size of the average bricks used to make homes.
He has also called you Junior a few times now. But in that "Juuuuu-nior!" way? It's so funny.
He also laughed at the fact that we can't have any soft serve ice cream. Then apologized very quickly.
P.S. I've been calling him "baby-daddy" I think it's hilarious!
November 23, 2012
Flashback: First bub buy
I wrote some posts when we found out were pregnant but couldn't tell anyone. I had so many emotions running through me and needed a space to release them. It's great being able to share them now, re-reading them and getting to relive the moments.
Written 23rd September 2012
Today we got a call back from the doctors. Blood test was positive..
Told our family and close friends.
Then went online and got these prints.
...
Don't judge.
Written 23rd September 2012
So bloody cute right?!?!?!?! I know!
Today we got a call back from the doctors. Blood test was positive..
Told our family and close friends.
Then went online and got these prints.
...
Don't judge.
Flashback: Peeing on a stick
I wrote some posts when we found out were pregnant but couldn't tell
anyone. I had so many emotions running through me and needed a space to
release them. It's great being able to share them now, re-reading them and getting to relive the moments.
Written 21st September 2012
This morning we arrived home from our month long trip away, I'm 6 days overdue for my period. The test we had taken in Singapore one evening 3 nights before had turned up negative. It was disappointing to say the least. When we look back now, I was drinking 2 litres of water in that hour just to get some wee outta me. Probably not the best idea.
So today, I peed on a stick and it said this.
(I know it's really faded, but it said a '+', I promise!)
We tried our best not to get excited since the vertical line was so light. I rushed Luke out of the house to go pick up an iPhone 5 for himself (not without requesting he bring home half a dozen more test kits of different brands.... 'cause I am a nerd like that) while I busied myself around the house, unpacking and cleaning.
When he got home I peed on one more stick and told myself that if that read positive, we were going to the doctor. Lo and behold, it did. I remember sitting on the toilet going, 'Okay. This is it. I'm not imagining this.'
We somehow managed to get into a doctor's within 15 minutes of calling them. Got a blood test done for pregnancy as well as everything else involved. I did not have any more wee left in me so we took a pee jar home and was told to drop it off the next day.
Now I am sitting in bed trying to fall asleep.
So far, preeeetty unsuccessful.
Written 21st September 2012
This morning we arrived home from our month long trip away, I'm 6 days overdue for my period. The test we had taken in Singapore one evening 3 nights before had turned up negative. It was disappointing to say the least. When we look back now, I was drinking 2 litres of water in that hour just to get some wee outta me. Probably not the best idea.
So today, I peed on a stick and it said this.
(I know it's really faded, but it said a '+', I promise!)
We tried our best not to get excited since the vertical line was so light. I rushed Luke out of the house to go pick up an iPhone 5 for himself (not without requesting he bring home half a dozen more test kits of different brands.... 'cause I am a nerd like that) while I busied myself around the house, unpacking and cleaning.
When he got home I peed on one more stick and told myself that if that read positive, we were going to the doctor. Lo and behold, it did. I remember sitting on the toilet going, 'Okay. This is it. I'm not imagining this.'
We somehow managed to get into a doctor's within 15 minutes of calling them. Got a blood test done for pregnancy as well as everything else involved. I did not have any more wee left in me so we took a pee jar home and was told to drop it off the next day.
Now I am sitting in bed trying to fall asleep.
So far, preeeetty unsuccessful.
November 21, 2012
We're so glad you could make it.
To the tiny little pip who I already love so much,
you truly are the cherry on top this sundae of a life that your daddy and I live.
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