Moments. And finding myself.

Just before we left Australia, I met up with a friend and, in between us chatting about where to get nice kids clothing and feeling like we needed to move outside because the children were messing up the cafe, we both found that we were questioning ourselves. As mothers, as wives, as people who wanted a career.

Lately, I've felt like I am attempting everything at a 50% capacity.

I want to take photographs, both on a personal and professional level because doing that makes me feel happy, but is that selfish? I did choose to be a stay-at-home mother.

I want to breastfeed but I am at a point where I know it has run its course. I am exhausted. Mason still has at least 3 breastfeeds through the daytime and through the night, is nursing almost endlessly (Thank you, Teeth). I don't believe I have had over 3 hours of consecutive sleep in the last 5 months. I am working on a whole other post regarding my breastfeeding journey with Mason.

In other ways, I feel my body fails me some days. It functions, but not to it's fullest ability as a woman. But there's another place and time for that story.

Suffice it to say I have enjoyed these last few weeks. I haven't spent too much time thinking about anything. I am mama to a charismatic toddler. I chase him around and feed him. I lie down for afternoon naps with him. I don't worry about much. I am just his mama.

I get my camera out when I feel the urge. I go for a walk if I want to. Sometimes, I have a slice of cake just before dinner.

I let go of my thoughts on what things should be like, and just accept what they are for the moment.

#shieldsdobali

This is what it's looked like for us lately. We spent our first ten days in Bali up in Balian, a quiet village about 2 hours north of Seminyak. There is nothing but black sand beach and river stones (aka Mason's new favourite toy). There is no denying I will miss the quiet but the city girl in me is happy to be in the hustle and bustle of it all (ask me again in a week though..)

#shieldsdobuller

A few weeks ago, we roadtripped to Victoria's Mount Buller for a bit of powdery fun* as part of Luke's 31st birthday. It was the coolest experience watching Mason discover snow.. He touched it, and touched it. Again and again, as if he was not too sure of it. Then, of course, he tried to put it his mouth.. Ugh. That stops eventually, right?

Mason and I spent most of our time on the toboggan and having hot chocolates (and babycinos). I would definitely say my favourite part of the trip was dressing Mason in ridiculously bulky snow outfits and then watch him try to find his centre of gravity like a baby penguin. And of course, the divine Italian restaurant downstairs where we ate 4 out of our 6 dinners.


*Said "fun" was probably mostly enjoyed by the husband. The uncoordinated (myself) do not particularly enjoy boobie traps like wet, icy floors.

Scenes from our escape north

Have you ever felt completely uninspired, and bored yet be so busy and consumed with the mundane? Our last month felt like it. With Luke and Mason both under the weather, taking turns to catch a cold, then bronchitis.. Throw in a shoulder surgery and I felt like it was groundhog day. Everyday. 

So what do you do when you feel like that and everyone is (kind of) on the cusp of being better?

You totally hijack your in-laws holiday and jump in the car the day they are leaving. Like, picture me throwing random pieces of clothing into a bag and yelling “Don’t forget his diapers!” to Luke approximately 45 minutes before they were planning to hit the road.

Ah, spontaneity. My old friend.

Of course, we ended up with mismatched clothing as well as jumpers that were entirely inappropriate for the hot, hot Queensland weather. But, boy, did we have a fantastic time. It was like travelling with sitters. So you basically get to have a fun time with your kid but then the grandies are there for morning snuggles so you get a sleep in. 

It was everything we needed. 


Warning: Image overload!